I put you on a pedestal.
I wanted to please you at all costs. I wanted you to acknowledge I was spiritually growing at optimal pace, even if I knew you would only be acknowledging a mask. Your opinion of me became more important than God’s.
You said you struggled, but it was hard to believe it was true. You always looked so put together, so stoic, so ready to handle any challenge life threw at you. I thought you had a special Bible study teacher armor that your students could never have…until they reached Bible study teacher status.
I thought you had the tools to fix me – that if I just reached out to you all would be well soon. I hung on your every word.
I scanned your face for traces of praise. When you asked for my help, my ego would soar.
You represented the epitome of holiness for me. I wanted to be like you.
It wasn’t till I suffered great pain and loss that I saw that all the things I once thought were true about you were an illusion.
Though it was painful to let go, to finally see the truth…there is only one savior, and I see it’s not you.
There’s no denying I learned from you, and you helped me in many ways I didn’t deserve. I know what you do is far from easy – teaching God’s word to hurting women in hopes that the Gospel message shines through.
I’m so sorry I put you on a pedestal. That I placed that heavy burden upon you. I finally see that you’re human, and that I’m free to be human too.
Please note: I have been through many Bible studies in my lifetime and I have encountered several online Bible studies as well. If you are a Bible study teacher, please don’t let this post discourage you from what you have been gifted to do. It is not specifically about you. I am just aware of my capacity to be drawn to worship people who seem to have a wisdom about God’s word, and I recognize the danger in that. This could apply to pastors as well.