I have written about the depression I’ve suffered at length in several previous blog posts, but I’ve never shared this list (at least not all of these things). I found this list yesterday on a thumb drive that had been hiding in my desk. Some of these thoughts have been worming their way back over the last few months as I’ve been struggling with some health issues. I was awakened to the truth of the Gospel in that dark night of the soul, but after years of living with a legalistic mindset, it is a daily struggle for me to REST in Christ’s finished work. I’m anxious to share this list, but I know the power of bringing things into the light and exposing the enemy’s tactics.
These are some of a whole slew of lies that the accuser planted in my mind in that dark season….
God could never really love you
Your family has had it with you (maybe some of them have had it with me, but my identity is not in how my family feels about me)
Your daughter is going to hate you (I’m sure she’s had “I hate my mom” moments, but again, my identity is not in how my daughter feels about me)
Jesus died for everyone else but you
Your friends are tired of you
You’ll never change
Your finances are such a mess and they’ll never get better
You’re really not saved
You’re headed to hell anyway, so you might as well go now
You’ve never really been a Christian
You’re going to lose your job and you’ll never find another one
You and your daughter are going to end up on the streets
You are just like Judas (You know, it’s true. I am a sinner. I betray Jesus every time I chose to place my identity in anything other than the life, death, and finished work of Jesus…but even when I falter, He calls me Beloved.)
You’ll never see your Dad again (Dad died in 1999) -This one made me stark-raving mad!!-
I was in the middle of a huge shame storm yesterday when I found that thumb drive. The Lord is merciful to reveal this list to me in His perfect timing. As I drove home from work yesterday, the spirit gently whispered that I was not resting in the Father’s words that proclaim:
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV
I cried out asking for help to believe.
The father of lies…the father of legalism, moralism, performancism, is the devil. As Steve Brown says, “He will use 99% truth to float one lie, if that will render impotent the most amazing truth ever.”
IT IS FINISHED!! – Jesus
And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. Revelation 12:10 ESV
I know some of you will be concerned about what I’ve shared here. Don’t worry, I’m getting help, but I always welcome prayers.