“We are all broken people, living in a broken world, with other broken people.” Tullian Tchividjian
It’s so true, isn’t it? We don’t even have to turn on the evening news. All we have to do is look at the landscape of our lives – sickness, depression, pain, financial worries, hurting children, broken relationships, death, churches filled with hurting people who are afraid to let their church family or even those they love see the real person underneath the fake smile and default pleasantries.
For awhile now, I have considered changing the name of my blog. I am broken. I am messy. I don’t have it all together. I still get sad. I still grieve over my dad who died 15 ½ years ago. I still have moments of anxiety. I see my brokenness everyday in hundreds of ways. I initially chose the name after the Lord saved my life from the ravages of a deep, dark depression. I was finally starting to understand what gospel meant – good news. Sure, I had heard gospel described that way many times, but instead of feeling like good news, it felt like a long list of things to DO to get better, be the model Christian, make God and my church community proud of me, and most especially to remain in God’s good graces – in other words – secure my salvation. I was excited to finally know the truth…so when I read Jeremiah 33:6, I decided that would be my theme.
One thing several people told me when I was going through that depression was “You’re a good Christian.” I wanted to scream and tell them “No, I’m not. You don’t know me at all!” You see, in the thick of the depression, when I shut out all the human voices, the Lord showed me my heart. It wasn’t pretty…it’s still not pretty. It is infested with thorns, thistles, broken promises, lies, self-promotion, envy, greed, gluttony, desperation…and the list goes on and on. You may think it was cruel of God to show me all that, but I needed to see the truth. I needed to see that I couldn’t keep up with the law…that I’m not “perfect as my father in Heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). I now count the Lord’s dissection of my heart as one of the greatest of gifts. It brought me to my knees…crying out for rescue, forgiveness, restoration…acknowledging that I am not God and my life is out of control. I am finally able to say to myself and others “I am not good! I am broken. I am messy. I am not in control. But…there is only one who is eternally good and who paid the price for all of my brokenness – Jesus, my savior, rescuer, best friend and wonderful counselor. That’s the good news!”
Broken is not my address anymore…because my identity is in Jesus and what He has done for me, and my eternal address is Heaven. So I’m keeping the name and trusting in His promises.
“But now take another look. I’m going to give this city a thorough renovation, working a true healing inside and out. I’m going to show them life whole, life brimming with blessings. I’ll restore everything that was lost to Judah and Jerusalem. I’ll build everything back as good as new. I’ll scrub them clean from the dirt they’ve done against me. I’ll forgive everything they’ve done wrong, forgive all their rebellions. And Jerusalem will be a center of joy and praise and glory for all the countries on earth. They’ll get reports on all the good I’m doing for her. They’ll be in awe of the blessings I am pouring on her. Jeremiah 33:6