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Failings..and falling asleep in peace

I have come to the realization that in every area of my life I am failing in some way.

  • I fail to be the mother I always hoped I would be
  • I fail in the daughter, sister, aunt department
  • I fail daily in the faith arena
  • I am failing at keeping up with the demands in my job
  • I fail in my finances
  • Colossal fails occur in my relationships
  • I fail in keeping up with car maintenance
  • I fail at clutter-control
  • I fail in my words…and sometimes I even cuss
  • I fail at taking care of my temple…and boy, this really brought the tears last night as I looked in the mirror
  • I fail at honesty and vulnerability
  • I fail in worship
  • I fail to say no when I should
  • I’m failing to love those who have hurt me in the way I should

And the list goes on and on…

I talked to my best friend Jesus last night about all of these failings in a state of panic. You know what he told me? He gently said “It’s okay sweet girl, my grace is sufficient.” I know I shouldn’t argue with Jesus, but I said “But, I should be better.” He reminded me again “My grace is sufficient.” (I think I failed at punctuating this paragraph properly)

A few nights before that panicked conversation, with quivering lips and trembling hands, I prayed Psalm 139:23. Next to the prayer for patience, many people (count me in) try to avoid this prayer.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23

He answered my prayer. He searched my heart and showed me my anxious thoughts. What is amazing, though, is He didn’t tell me to buck up, to get my act together, to try to be better, to strive for perfection, to pray the Our Father 20 times, to just slap a smile on and pretend to be something I am not. He told me that He is enough. What He did for me (and everyone) on the cross is enough. I can crumble into His arms and He accepts me just as I am. He calls me His sweet girl.

The panic died down and I fell asleep in His comforting embrace. Thank you Jesus!

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