I didn’t think I’d have much time to myself on our visit to Germany, but amazingly I was able to go for solitary walks in the forest near the village where we stayed almost every day. I’m never really alone on these walks. God is always walking beside me, ahead of me, behind me; and I experience His presence so beautifully when I am in nature and listening rather than talking. He spoke to me a lot on this trip. I thought the cold, or the fact that I was far from “home” would block out his gentle nudges and revelations. I was wrong. I learned a lot on those walks.
God reminded me that He made me. He made me unique. He made me to fit HIS mold. Not the molds of all the people who have been building their own versions for me that I have been trying to fit into for years with no hope of success. I wish I could draw the picture I have in my head of what it looks like trying to fit into these molds, but it involves messy hair, a lot of heartache, fear, anxiety, running around like mad woman, head hung low, despair, frowns and wrinkles, getting involved in projects that God never intended me to get involved in, financial messes, hurting others, and NO TIME for resting and being still. He told me that I have been in a war – a war that involves daily battles of trying to fit into too many molds. I have been at war with Him. I’ve been at war with myself. I’ve been at war with the people building their molds for me. These same people who have other people building molds for them that they can never fit into either. Heck, I’ve been building my own messed up molds for myself and others too and who has time for that? He told me that I have been exhausting myself, not really living, and that I need to STOP striving to fit into molds that I will NEVER, EVER fit into when His unique, perfectly-fitted mold is the only one for me.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30