Art by Briana, my daughter
“Beware of paying attention or going back to where you were, when God wants you to be something you have never been.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest
I read that sentence from the Oswald Chambers daily devotional on June 8th, and asked myself this question: What is something I feel I’ve never been, but that I feel God wants me to be?
Ever since I was a little girl, I have been riddled with fear – fear of the dark, fear of man, fear of letting everyone down (put a check mark next to that box), fear of death, etc. I’m not exactly sure what the root cause of all these fears is, but I suspect they may have something to do with an event that happened on a red couch in an unfamiliar home when I was very young.
What I know for sure is that I want to be done with fear. I want to kill the monster of fear that robs my days and makes my nights unbearable at times. I want to stop living in the shadows of the Lord’s dreams for me, and courageously go out there and conquer every single one of them. I have tried all of the ways that modern society recommends I deal with my fears – antidepressants, counseling, support groups, etc., and I have tried many of the ways the church recommends I deal with them – prayer, counseling, spiritual battle, worship, gratitude, etc. but the monster still lurks behind the door.
So, here’s my prayer, for myself, for you, and for the little girl I once was….
Dear Heavenly Father,
This world can be scary, Lord, but your word tells us “Do not fear” over and over again. Some of us have been hurt in unimaginable ways which have caused many of us to be hypersensitive to the world around us, but Lord you know every tear we’ve cried and every fear we have faced and you promise you are always with us. Lord, please penetrate the hearts of all of us women and men who daily desire to live free free from fear, but it still lurks behind the door. You know Lord, that I hesitated in sharing this post when you prompted me to post it the very same day I asked myself that question. Fear got in the way once again. Forgive me for that. I pray Lord that we can be examples for the younger generation. I pray we can be people who courageously declare battle on the enemy and his schemes that prevent us from living your will and purpose for our lives.
In Jesus Name, Amen
So, my question to you is what is something you feel you have never been, but that God wants you to be?